Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
