Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
