You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
