Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
