I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
