its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
