Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize