Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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