So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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