spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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