2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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