Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
