Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
