We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
