I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
