when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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