I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
