I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
