I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
