I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
