So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
