i think my mom watched the whole time
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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