my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
