our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
