Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
