True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
