if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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