living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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