Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Found the puke drawer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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