Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize