I want to have your abortion
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
