The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
