So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
