It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
