First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
