The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
