Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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