Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

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(925): View more from California

He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.

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(949): View more from California

Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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(851): View more from

Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.

(522): View more from

Don't break up.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.

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(205): View more from Alabama

This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.

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(916): View more from California

You're incredible, and I'm drunk

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