I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
