Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
