If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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