My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
