I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
