I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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