you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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