i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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