is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
