I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
