So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
