I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
