I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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