Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
