he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
