ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
