making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize