I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
