He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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