Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize