Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
