She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
