Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We have started to decorate penises.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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