this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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