i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
