His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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