Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
