respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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