She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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