First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
