we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My balls are so social today.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
