I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
