Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
