ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize