Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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