And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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