How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
