You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
