So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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