So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
