we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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